Fool’s Gold

Once upon a time, it was what you got when you assumed (foolishly), that you would find precious metals in California, 1849.

Post-1970s, though? It’s taken on a whole new meaning.

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It almost looks innocent from this angle.

Meet the famed Fool’s Gold Sandwich, one of Elvis’ favorites and a supporting actor in the 2013 film What If.

It will literally kill you.

The following is a clip from the movie (starring Daniel Radcliffe and Zoe Kazan) that instructs you on how to create your very own culinary monster!

I had to try it.

A few friends and I are making a documentary on Elvis Presley (thus, the last novel of a post) for a school competition and figured what better way to pay tribute to the King than by eating one of his favorite meals?

I’m going to start this out with a warning: if you decide to make and consume this sandwich, you will be extremely uncomfortable for about two hours. Your stomach will berate you for forcing this terrifying food down, and you might even feel like you’re on the brink of death.

There’s something really unnatural that happens when peanut butter, jelly, bacon, and buttery bread combine in your mouth: it actually tastes pretty good.

The video provides all the instruction that you’re going to need, really, but here are some pictures of the journey to heartburn.

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Scoop those bread guts out!

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We didn’t end up using a full jar of peanut butter or jelly and the bacon might have been a few strips short of a pound, but I can’t imagine what it would have looked like if we’d stuck exactly to the script.

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I’m getting phantom stomach pains just looking at it.

It was quite a lot of bacon.

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Shoddy photos are all I have left of this beast.

We split the sandwich into fifths and about 15 minutes later, we were all groaning about how bad our stomachs hurt so seriously do not pull an Elvis Presley and eat the whole thing.

The best way to describe Fool’s Gold came from my friend, who, once she’d finished wiping the jelly off her face, set down her napkin and put what we were all thinking into words.

“This feels so wrong, but it tastes so right.”

Proceed with caution.

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